Introspection....

Ahhhh......its been very long since I have posted anything....I am both angry at myself and pity me for the lack of time, or non inclination to write when I have time...well my recent choices have been between relaxing (read sleeping) or pushing myself to my self-extended boundries to work/write some more...The former has won 99 number of times outta 100 in my arguments with self...

well, finally I am here, doing my favourite thing...taking time off from all the runing...my small pre-diwali gift to myself....and wondering if this mad marathon run is really worth it...

On my train journey back and forth frm work, after crazy long days which has now become a robotic routine, a drill to be followed frm one day to next...one question has been nagging me constantly.....Time and its relativity.....Nothing has made it more appearent to me then the mad routine which is my life now.... and as usual, my darling, sweet, electic, dynamic, colorful, scary, weired, angry, painful, chaotic, happening, loving Mumbai becomes the microcausm for an explanation....

Roll, camera and action....

scene: a crowded dadar station, train arrival, womens compartment, chaos to get in-get out, start train, a woman hanging by a tinsly train handle, tyin to balance herself on the edge of the train step, as it speeds ut of the station, fighting on the phone...

snippets frm it..
I cannot come in tomorow, pls understand, I cannot,....my new job, have to go..hospital, I cannot come, is she serious? but Leave i will not get, shit m sorry...dont break up...no but new job.......ya 7 months.....difficult to handle boss.....dont do that...I knw your mum dying...sorry but cannot make it........ahhh.....ummmm....I understand.......no no......cannot help you......i understand your state.....Sorryy.....no no.....pls pls.....i know.....pls....(hear sobs, crying)...

finishes the calls, tear washed face...pained....

this lady is a regular in my train....both of us roughly have the same routine....get on the same train early morning at 7.15 and are usually going back hme around 9 at night......I smile at her and she likewise, we even talk once in a while.....I understand her situation, she knows that I know her situation and hve heard her talking on the phone.....

She has a fiancee, his mum is in the hospital, serious. He wants her to visit his mum. She cannot take a leave from her "new" 7-8 months old job, for her pain-in-the-ass, nagging boss...

After I get off the train...I begain to think of her situation....what would I do? would I take a leave, risk the job, stake the career, financial concern? Go visit the mum, or hurt her fiance, risk a breakoff, hurt a mum and leave her in pain????

What would you do? how far is a Mumbaite ready to run the unending rat race, how inhuman can people get?? Is this what Mumbai is all about? Is this the pride of the financial capital of India? what are we? who are we? do we fall under the label of "being a human"....

I dono...What I do believe in is these line by a poet whose name I cannot recall....

"What is life if full of care?
There is no time to stand and stare..."

A Diversion...

Its been a while since I promised to put down the part two of Mumbai Gheeto...and well...looks like today is not the day as well....but today demands another painful telling....very painful for me atleast..

The last few weeks have not gone on very well for me. Among other things, my loss of faith in words put me in a sort of whirlwind...days began to feel like a drab, unending and meaningless. Words are still elusive, and the few I can think of or even hear from others, sound phoney/bogus..all layered lies..topped with dollops of chocolate syrup so that their meaninglessness is masked in the sweet syrup of stuipd praises....and an incident that I witnessed in the train while comming back from work is making me loose the little faith in humanity I had...

As usual, the trains were super crowded...after accomplishing the momentious task of boarding the train at dadar..I rushed to the second door, the side I would have to get off eventually. At Kurla, pregnant lady made her way in, batteling the crazy rush...

A few women began yelling at her, for being stupid and risking her and the baby's life by getting into the mad rush. With a demur stance she tried to explain her troubles...asking, pleading, requesting for women to make way so that she could move inside the boggy and the safety it offered. I moved around, expecting others to do the same and let her in. My surprise came when the lady behind me began screaming at this fully preganat lady...I cannot forget those words, they made me loose the little trust I had in Humanity of my fellow mumbaites- all of us running the race to becoming the best robots around. She said, "Its really not my problem, find your way in if you can, you and ur baby can go to hell, you seem to not care anyway.." The pain shot to physicality when I heard a few other women around murmer in acceptance..

Yes, it is true, it is indeed true,..Mumbaites run a mad rat race, a race with no end...where running ahead and overpowering the one in front of you is the only aim...but they are also known to help those running along....it is this quality, this helping, humanistic nature of the Mumbaikars that made me hold my head high when I spoke of the city. We seem to be loosing this as well....Is this what my beautiful, undaunting, overwhelming, unbeaten maximum city is being led into? Is anything about the city worth then? Its glamour, beauty, its grandure, anything at all worth it?

Are Mumbaikars humans no more? can they not spare any thought, anything in the crazy race for their fellow beings?? Can we risk becoming inhumans? Is the success of the city dependent on its stark, robotic behaviour? What do you guys think? Don't you think its time we stand back, stop, catch our breath and think? Think, about what we are? who we are? are we caring and accommoditing as we claim to be, or do we only pretennd ?

I wrote this piece with a small idea, I want us all to sit back and think, pause and think....
was this right? are we too obssessed with ourselves to stop bothering? Is this what we are?? I want to hear from you guys.....I hate to think we are all bad, all wrong..I wish I can restore my faith back in humanity, in Mumbaikars, in words.....

Mumbai...Part 2

All those who have lived in Bombay aka Mumbai for a few days will agree with me that you cannot escape travelling to get to anywhere while you are here..The added advantage is that this wonderful city has a great public transport system in place...Be it trains, bus, taxis, rickshaws... all of it is pretty usable if not comfortable...Considering that I travel a fairly long distance to work everyday (2 hours one way), I believe this is the apt topic to begin my musings on....I guess trains, rather the local trains in Mumbai is what sets the city transport apart from the others...besides after all these years they still do not cease to fascinate me...so here I go...

Actually, I have been travelling on the trains since I was a toddler....But I do not count those days. Not till I began using them on my own did I begin looking around me and noticing the beauty that a hideous, tedious train and a train ride may be like. Well I do sound stupid and silly I know, but wait till you have heard/read this one...a true experience...

I was travelling back from a extra hectic, bad day of work, and the delay of the trains was defiantly not helping . Battling large crowds I hopped onto this Kasara local, used all my strength and worked my way to the other side of the compartment, ensuring that I would be able to get off on my station.

Standing next to me was this very happy lady, dressed in a dainty shirt with simple jeans, smiling away to herself. Somehow, (and there was no reason for this) her smile pushed me into a sweeping rage and I shoved my elbow into her sides with the intention making more standing space for me and a secret intention of making that smile disappear. She looked at me, a little surprised, and gave me a questioning look. I began yelling away at her for the way she was standing, the way she was holding her bag, even for the way she was holding the handle to prevent toppling over others. She retorted back with perfect calm, that instigated me into yelling more. No reason for it again, except my bad day was catching up with me. I kept yelling away at her as the stations flew by and she kept giving me some monotone and monosyllabic answers all the way. Finally it was my turn to get off on my station and I pushed my way out of the train and felt a calm hand tapping at my shoulder as I began walking towards the exit. She simply said, "I hope you are not angry anymore and I managed to help. Have a nice evening." and walked off. I kept looking at her, till I realized she merited a sorry from me, I wanted to talk to her but she was gone. I will never forget that nameless women, I can still remember her pretty smile and her amazing attitude to life. What a Stress Buster! and what a understanding women......what an experience..

This is only one of the many things that has touched my life... I use the train every single day to travel to and fro..and sometimes interactions, sometimes observations have taught me so many lessons of life....Trains are not simple ways to get me to places I want to go to...they are microcosm of life itself....

I wish I could narrate more of my experiences.. I wish I can tell you about my precious train friends, but time is short and there is so much to do, so much about my Mumbai that I want to tell you....Sometime, Sometime I will, when you would want to hear, me want to tell,...TC folks and have fun,...life is too short to waste in anger and irritation...that lady did remind me....